Well, it's been a while. I forget to write about my life while I'm living it!
I had my 5th, yes 5th, miscarriage on August 30th. Maybe I'm not supposed to be a mom. Maybe I'm supposed to be a weird cat lady or something. I feel numb. When will it be my turn? When will it be my time? I think I'm supposed to learn something life changing from this experience. However, all I have learned is that my friends are quite thoughtless, my mother is a jerk sometimes(I didn't even tell her about this one), I'm angry at the unfairness of life, I hate to see pregnant women, the thought of baby showers makes me irrate (why are people inviting me anyway?), none of the people I know are even trying to get pregnant - but 5 of them in the past year have gotten knocked up by mistake and had perfect babies - this is the biggest afront to my sensibilities of them all) and basically I'm a bitter person.
It is what it is. I am not going to let it get me down. Monday is the first day of Fall - my favorite season!! I am booked just about every weekend until the end of the year with fun things and plans. Next weekend I'll have a full house with my inlaws and my god child visiting from college! We're making headway on the house. New windows, freshly painted porch, little things inside the house getting fixed. Lots of BIG projects still to come and are completely overwhelming, but things are going well and small steps are great for me.
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