Sunday, April 13, 2008

Looking to the positive

I am sad to report that the twins have passed. Unfortunately, they shared the same amniotic sac within the same placenta. At some point at the beginning of last week they got in each other's way and blood flow through the chord was compromised.

This was my fourth miscarriage. I now have five angels looking over me. However, I am not as devistated as in the past. This would have been such a high risk pregnancy, that it was better to have it happen sooner than later. This way neither baby suffered. I would have had to been placed under the care of a hospital in Boston and they would have been born very early, if they survived long enough.

I am STILL hopeful for a successful pregnancy in the future. However, I am going to take a few months off from trying. We conceived so quickly on the clomid, that we aren't worried about about getting pregnant again, just sustaining. The only worry I have is that I am getting older and don't want to be 45 and pregnant. *I know, I'm only 37!*

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Babies Babies Babies

I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks due to my history of pregnancy loss. Much to my surprise, we're having identical twins! They say it is not an inherited trait, but my maternal grandmother was an identical twin. Regardless, we are happy! I saw both of their heartbeats, healthy and strong. I am very hopefull that this time around life will be kind.

I am also experiencing extreme tiredness, thirst, hot flashes, aversion to smells, changing bbs, and some nausea. In past pregnancies, I only had tiredness and sore bbs in the beginning. I am not complaining about any of it because it means I am still pregnant! I go for another U/S on the 16th to confirm a membrane between the two babies.

My mother was a pill, once again, when I told her the news. She told me not to "do anything" , implying that I would cause a loss. When I had my first miscarriage, she asked " what did you do?" and with the second, "what did you do this time?" I didn't tell her about the third until months later, to avoid the verbal assault. My mother is cruel with words. No matter how many times I tell her that her words are thoughtless and hurtfull, she continues. I knew I shouldn't have called her. I thought she would be excited. However, I will not allow her to ruin my joy!

Hubby is excited, friends are excited, I am excited! Can't wait to see them again on the U/S!